Take Away the Strains of Being Lonely (Standalone) |
Take Away the Strains of Being Lonely
[Pete’s POV]
Ugh, I had tried to draw that dragon again…and I had failed…again!
It was no use. I actually couldn’t draw! I sucked at it! The only thing I was good at was… writing. Lyrical meant that is.
It was the only way for me to express my feelings, even though I didn’t sing them.
I hade a terrible voice, a terrible look, well, lets just say, I really didn’t like many things about myself. Frankly, my suicide could tell you about that, my failed suicide that is. I couldn’t do anything right, not even kill myself.
I was a miserable piece of shit! A lonely miserable piece of shit.
Well, not that lonely, I had my best friends, my band mates.
They’ve helped me through a lot of shit, like this one time-… sorry, I’m sure you don’t wanna hear my pathetic stories, well, at least I don’t.
Okay, I’m rambling again, I need to stop that.
Okay, back to my dragon.
I actually tried again, and, yes, well… it did get better this time.
There is always a first time to get proud of yourself, and this was that time.
I think I’ll continue with it tomorrow, ‘cause now I’m going to watch Moulin Rouge!
I wrote the last note in my journal and putted it in the drawer beneath my desk.
I walked out of my room and down the hall, and to the living room.
There, on the couch, sat Patrick, Joe, Andy, Ryan and Brendon, and in the two armchairs was Spencer and Jon.
‘’Thank you guys, for saving a seat for me.’’ I said as I took a chair that stood against the wall.
‘’sorry, wanna squeeze in between me and Brendon?’’ Ryan said with a mischievous smile. I could barely se Brendon lightly push Ryan in the side and somewhat scowl. I had no idea why he did, and I didn’t care right now.
‘’No, I’m fine. I already got a chair.’’ I said and lifted the chair so he could see.
‘’Okay, sit on your hard wooden chair, without a pillow’’ Ryan said and putted out his tongue.
I considered his words and then stood and putted away the chair.
‘’Move’’ I said firmly and shoved Brendon to make me some room.
He moved, but not enough, so I sat down in his lap.
‘’Pete, d-do you have to sit in my lap? You’re heavy!’’ Brendon said. I turned so I was looking straight into his eyes
‘’I may be heavy but you’re to fat to make me some room to sit on the couch’’ I said and putted out my tongue.
‘’But can’t you sit on Ryan? ‘Cause I promise, I’ll die from lack of oxygen’’ he said and started to get red in his face.
‘’But Bren, you look so good in blue’’ I said and smiled, but got off of him and instead squeezed in between him and Ryan.
‘’Can someone put on the god forsaken movie now?’’ Jon said from one of the armchairs.
‘’Why don’t you do it? You’re closest to the VCR!’’ I said and stated the obvious. He grumbled and scrambled out of the armchair, took the film and putted it in the VCR.
‘’Now, was that so hard?’’ I said and smiled even wider.
[Brendon’s POV]
‘’Now, was that so hard?’’ Pete said and smiled a wide smile, a wide and gorgeous smile, god I wish that smile was directed to me. I don’t know how long I’ve been in love with Pete now; I’ve lost the count on days and months.
As Jon went back to his seat I couldn’t resist to take a glance at Pete; he was still smiling and he was now looking eagerly on the TV screen.
I smiled to my self as Spencer turned off the lights.
The movie started; Moulin Rouge, guess who picked it. Right on; Ryan. It’s one of his favorite movies.
****
‘’Pete, you’re here?’’ I said and walked unsurely to an armchair, which someone was sitting in.
‘’Yes Brendon’’ I was right, it was him.
‘’You said you wanted to talk?’’ I now stood in front of him.
‘’Don’t you think I’ve noticed, Bren?’’ he said and stood up.
‘’N-noticed what, Pete?’’ ‘Did he know about my crush? No, no he couldn’t!’
‘’your love to me’’ he said. ‘Oh fuck, he knows! What the…? What’s he doing?’ he was walking closer, and I was backing… in to a wall. ‘Oh fuck, fuck what the hell’s happening?’
‘’Don’t be scared Bren’’ he said, stretched out his hand and touched my face. I whimpered. He pressed his whole body against my shaking body and he putted his hands firmly on my hips. This was more than I could take!
‘’Easy now’’ he said merely above a whisper. I could feel his hot breath on my lips, while my own was starting to hitch.
He closed the space between us, crashed our lips together, nearly painfully. God I’ve longed for this moment so long now.
I closed my eyes, and putted my hands on his shoulder, taking in the moment more.
His tongue caressed my lower lip, and I willingly opened my mouth, letting him eagerly slid his tongue into my mouth. ‘God this feels so good, I must be dreaming.’ Then it hit me.
My eyes shut open, and to my big disappointment, it was a dream.
I mentally slapped myself, I had fallen asleep under the movie, and lucky me, on Pete. I sat up straight, trying to get the dream out of my head, but my head is so nice to me that it just have to attach it into my memory.
I looked down ‘oh brilliant, a fucking boner’, a second mental slap.
I took a pillow, and carefully putted it over my, uhm, accident.
‘’sorry for sleeping on you’’ I said sheepishly.
‘’its okay, had a nice dream?’’ he said with a smile.
‘Yeah, a VERY nice dream’
‘’Not too bad’’ I said with a half smile.
‘’I heard you mumbling something, what were you dreaming about?’’ he said. I was now scared shitless, what the hell was I supposed to say?
‘I was dreaming that I was making out with you’ not really
‘’uhm, I was dreaming about, uhm, coco puffs… and they were so yummy…?’’ I said. I wasn’t sure if he’d believed me at the look on his face.
‘’And that was supposed to be a good dream? Jeez, I would be scared shitless if I were dreaming about coco puffs.’’ he said and shock his head.
‘’Can you two shut up? I’m trying to watch here!’’ Jon said, pff, and he was the one who didn’t want to watch this movie.
****
Movie time was over, and I and Ryan were sleeping over at Pete’s.
Ryan said that he would ‘’make some sparks’’ between me and Pete.
Sometimes I hate that kid.
‘’you two can take the bunk beds in the basement, with the ghosts!’’ Pete said and was trying to look like a ghost.
’’So much for the spark making’’ I whispered to Ryan while Pete was showing us the basement, and all the places where the ghosts usually were hiding.
‘’Bren, aren’t you to scared to sleep in the basement with the ghosts? Maybe you wanna sleep with Pete?’’ Ryan said and somewhat wiggled his eyebrows.
‘’What? N-no I-I’m fine.’’ Jesus Christ, I sure as hell couldn’t sleep with Pete, just the mere thought of it made my pants get tighter than they already were.
‘’Naw, poor Bren, can’t even admit it.’’ Pete said with a baby voice.
‘’I am not- HOLY SHIT!’’ Pete’s dog, Hemingway, had scared the shit out of me by licking my hand.
Both Ryan and Pete burst into laughter.
‘’Not afraid, huh?’’ Ryan said between laughter.
‘’Shut up’’ I said clutching my heart, it was beating rapidly.
‘’Maybe you should sleep in the same room as me. Poor boy.’’ Pete said and, in a mocking way, shock his head.
My eyes widened ’shit, I can’t sleep in the same room as Pete. What if I accidentally say his name in my sleep?’
I gulped and followed Pete to his room.
’how the hell am I going to survive this?’
****
Pete’s POV
I led Brendon to my bedroom, and I could hear his breath slightly hitch behind me. ‘Poor kid. He must still be frightened.’
I slightly shock my head and sniggered.
Brendon’s POV
I was nervous as hell, and I couldn’t exactly hide it, my breath was hitching.
I heard Pete snigger in front of me.
‘’Whatcha laughing about?’’ I asked walking up to him, making me walk beside him.
We came to his room before he pressed me up against the wall, pushing my hands over my head. ‘’W-what are y-you doing?’’ my heart was now beating faster than it had before.
He grinned, and… bit my nose, hard. My hands shoot from his grip and to my nose.
‘’Oow, what the hell?’’ it’d hurt like a bitch, that asshole has sharp teeth.
‘’You’re such a scared puppy Bren, and your nose tastes like shit!’’ he made a disgust face and started to whip his tongue with his sleeve.
‘’Suit yourself, you bit me, and it hurt.’’ I said and putted out my tongue as I crossed my arms.
‘’Don’t make me bite that tongue of yours’’ he said, pointing warningly at me.
I stood firmly, not moving my tongue, not believing that he would bite my tongue.
He stepped closer, putted his hands on the wall, both on each side of me.
My eyes got wide, and I quickly slipped my tongue in, before he bit in the air for my tongue.
‘’I-I thought you were kidding about the tongue biting.’’ I said as he grinned.
‘’If I say that I’m gonna do it, I’m sure as hell’s gonna do it.’’ He said and grinned wider.
‘’Well, can you let me go now?’’ I said as I noticed that he still had me in ’’captivity’’.
‘’Not before you give me a goodnight kiss’’ he said and made a kissie face.
I grimaced and quickly kissed his cheek.
He made a sad face, and I laughed, but got cut out when Pete’s lips were on mine.
[Pete’s POV]
Even if it only was a peck, I felt something jolt through me, and as curiosity took over, I kissed him (no pecking this time).
And sure as hell, that same feeling came over me.
I realized what I was doing, and pulled away.
‘’I-I’m sorry… I don’t know what flew in me’’ I said, without looking at him.
He turned us around, pushing me up the wall.
‘’Don’t be, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for that’’ he said with so much lust in his eyes, I was actually afraid what would happen next.
He crashed his lips on mine; I never thought that kissing could be so… pleasurable, yes I said pleasurable!
I laid my hands on his shoulders, holding me up from falling to the floor.
His tongue caressed my lower lip, and I granted him access, letting him explore my mouth.
‘Aren’t we going a little fast?’
He pressed his whole body against me, putting his hands on my waist, rolling his hips against mine, making me suppress a moan.
My brain was telling me to stop, while my body was eager to rip his clothes off.
As the blood from my brain flooded else where, I couldn’t hold it anymore.
I pushed him over onto the bed, straddling him.
I kissed, nibbled and bit on his neck and along his jaw line.
‘’P-Pete, I-I…’’ he didn’t get to finish his sentence as I kissed him.
‘’I love you too Bren’’ I said and took of his shirt.
I threw his shirt on the floor, and started to kiss a trail down his chest to his bellybutton where I slid my tongue in and out of it before I went up to his lips again.
He was tucking at the hem of my shirt and we broke apart so he could take it off.
I kissed him right under his jaw line, and I could hear him choke back a moan.
‘Found it’ I smirked to myself.
I started to unbuckle his belt, with one hand, while the other one was roaming his side.
‘’Can’t you hurry up a bit?’’ he said, sounding somewhat… annoyed?
‘Jeez, when did he get so eager?’
I finally got it up, but, slowly took it off.
And, as slowly as I could, I buttoned up and unzipped his pants.
‘’Stop being such a tease and just do it.’’ He whined.
‘’Aw, but Bren, I am a tease’’ I said and winked, and slowly took off him his jeans and threw them to some corner.
All of a sudden, he flipped us over, and practically ripped my belt and pants off.
‘’Wow, slow down… just a little. Here let me do it… first’’ I said with a grin, and gently flipped us over.
I took off his boxers, looking straight into his eyes with a grin, and took his length in my mouth.
His hands went straight to my hair as I deep throated him, almost gagging.
I swirled my tongue around him, grazing my teeth against him, and in every single possibly way, trying to make him practically scream out of pleasure, which he did.
‘’P-Pe-Pete I-I’m…’’ and before he had the time to finish his sentence, he came in my mouth, screaming out my name, and I swallowed every single drop.
I slid my mouth smoothly off his shaft, and kissed him.
He was panting heavily, but was smiling the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.
‘’Th-that was, Wow’’ he said between heavy breaths. I smiled and laid beside him.
‘’Do you think Ryan heard us?’’ he said when he’d catch his breath.
‘’No, but I think he heard you’’ I said with a smile and kissed his nose.
‘’And now I guess you want your reward, huh?’’ he said and crawled down my body, and slowly slid off my boxers.
As he took me in, I completely lost it, he was doing wonders on me, my eyes were rolling into the back of my head, and I gripped what I could get, that, being his hair and the sheets.
I choked out a groan when he grazed his teeth along my erection.
The he did something strangely pleasurable; one of his hands was tracing circles on my hip, while the other hand was searching its way to my mouth, making me suck on two of his fingers.
Beads of sweat started to trickle down my forehead as I was coming closer and closer to release.
I let out a cry of his name just seconds before I came, nearly making me bite his fingers.
He laid beside me, not taking out his fingers from my mouth.
I just laid there, eyes closed and with his fingers in my mouth while panting heavily.
When he tried to take his fingers back, I bit down on them, making him yelp in pain.
‘’theyf beflongf tho me, nowh.’’ I said and laughed hard at my unsuccessful words, and as I did, he yanked his fingers back.
I just couldn’t stop laughing, and I didn’t get calmer when Ryan stomped in.
‘’It’s enough that I get to hear both of your moans, but your laugh is going over the board.’’ He said, and looked utterly stupid when he was angry in a pair of too short pyjama pants and an over sized t-shirt.
‘’Y-you k-know t-th-that you lo-look l-like an fr-freaking i-idiot in that ou-outfit!?’’ I said between laughter.
‘’So what? And- oh Jesus Christ put on some clothes! I really didn’t want to see that!’’ he said when Brendon somewhat parted his legs, and as he covered his eyes I just laughed harder, if possible.
My eyes started to get teary as I rolled off the bed and onto the floor.
I started to calm down after I had rolled on the floor sometime, and then started to look for my boxers while I was somewhat giggling.
I went back to the bed, while putting on my own boxers, and then giving Brendon his.
I wiped my eyes and crawled on top of Brendon, not exactly letting him putting on his boxers fully.
I kissed him, with a really big grin, and I slowly caressed his lower lip with my tongue, waiting for him to give me some access to his mouth.
He merely parted his lips, but enough for me to slid my tongue in, making both of us somewhat taste ourselves.
I grinded my hips against his, causing him to groan, and making Ryan to look what was happening.
‘’What the..? Stop it, my innocent catholic boy eyes are sure as hell not supposed to see this.’’ He practically screamed out.
‘Bingo, just the reaction I wanted’
I pulled away, which made Brendon growl of frustration.
‘’Oh, but Ryan, they’re not supposed to watch, you are supposed to join in’’ I said with a grin and got off a grinning Brendon, and off the bed, walking over to Ryan.
His mouth were hanging open when I emerged him, putting my hands on his hip and behind his neck, before kissing him roughly.
I gently led him to the bed, still with a lip lock.
As I straddled him, I could feel how Brendon was tucking at Ryan’s pants.
I somewhat lifted myself, so he could untie them, and as he did, I felt Ryan whimper beneath me.
I pulled away and looked at him, his eyes were half open, but were looking at me.
I heard Brendon pull off Ryan’s trousers, and as he did, Ryan shut his eyes close, biting down on his lower lip.
I bent down and kissed his neck, slightly leaving a hickey.
I pulled of his shirt, while Brendon was pulling off Ryan’s socks.
I went back to his lips, thrusting my tongue into his mouth, slightly probing.
His hands went to my hair and neck, deepening the kiss.
I thrust my hips against his, making him moan into my mouth.
I went down to his chest, biting and nibbling my way down to the elastic of his boxers.
Brendon went up to Ryan’s face, doing something to make him moan very loudly.
I slid off his boxers, and looked up to see what Brendon was doing; he was kissing him roughly around his neck and was tracing circles along his sides, I saw him getting goose bumps.
As I took him in my mouth, he gripped the sheets, groaning, and was starting to sweat.
He bucked his hips, almost making me gag. I putted my hands on his hips, pushing him down.
‘’S-st-stop… do-don’t’’ actually, I had no idea if I was supposed to stop or not… so I ignored it.
I started to do circles on his hips with my thumbs, and I felt how he shivered.
‘’P-Pete, Br-Bren… I-I ca-can’t…’’ he stuttered out.
He screamed out a ‘No’ when he came, making me wonder, what the hell we were doing.
As I slid my mouth off his shaft, swallowing his white liquid, I saw Brendon calm him down, he was freaking crying.
‘Oh crap, what the hell have we done… this wasn’t supposed to end like this’ I sat up crawling my way over to Brendon.
‘’W-why? I…I’’ Ryan said, trying to make some sort of sentences through his sobs.
I was getting sick worried… and sick of what I’d done… of what we’d done.
I tried to calm him down; he had started to shake by now, and was just sobbing more and more.
‘’Ry-Ry… I-I’m sorry…’’ I tried to, in a soothing way, touch his face, but he slapped my hand away.
‘’D-don’t t-touch me, e-ever again.’’ He said nearly screaming, covering his eyes.
It got black before my eyes, and after that, I had no idea what happened.
****
It has been two hours since I last saw Ryan… and Brendon for that matter.
I was attached to the toilet only minutes ago, with the images of what I’d done.
I hope no one takes me for granted as I am going to do the same thing I did ten years ago.
This, my friend, will be both a suicide note and a last update in my journal.
The bottle with vodka and the pills are next to me.
I’m sorry for every little mistake, every wrong move and the wrong words I’ve said and done.
I’m not the best human being, not the best friend nor the best boyfriend.
I was happy only hours ago, when I found out that I had feelings for a friend. Happy for once in years after years of miserable. But not happy long enough as the wrong words and wrong actions came to my mouth.
This will be a last goodbye, a ‘hope you’ll get well’ note… I hope I won’t see you soon, have a long and good life. Don’t do the same mistakes as I did.
I hope you read this and learn something through me, then my life here wouldn’t be all thrown away.
One last cheer for friendship, for love and for all the good things in life.
I hope you’ll get a better one than me.
I wrote the final and last note in my journal.
I stood and took up the familiar bottle and pills.
I sat down on the bed, opened the bottle and spread the pills on my pillow.
I took two, and chugged it down with the burning liquid.
After twenty I started to feel dizzy, but knew I had to keep on going, twenty wasn’t enough; at least it wasn’t last time.
When I was up to thirty, the bottle was empty and thrown away in a corner.
I felt tired, dizzy, dumb and worthless at the same time.
I lay down on the bed, clutching my stomach with both arms, waiting for the agony that was about to come, but never did.
My arms started to loose the grip I couldn’t hold anymore, my eyes fluttered close and my breath started to get shallow.
The sound of footsteps, running footsteps, was becoming weak.
I could barely hear the door open quickly, could barley feel the hands on my body shaking me, the only thing I felt, was a falling sensation. Falling away from everything.
The last thing I barely heard was
‘’I love you Pete.’’
Så, jag skrev ut hela novellen, sket i kapitlen för den delen!
va tycker ni? bra? dålig? Skit dålig? önskar att jag aldrig läst den? Lr? '^^
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| Kommentarer - (Snittbetyg: 5) | Ironmaiden - 8 nov 06 - 05:32- Betyg:  | skit bra:)
jag tycker det e bra att du skrev hela novellen på en gång
så man slipper sitta och vänta på en fortsättning som
kanske aldrig kommer elr så dröjer det väldigt länge,
Kul att du skrev på engelska :D
Hoppas du fortsätter skriva noveller |
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