Finding Home - Oneshot |
perfect doesn´t exist. That cute boy in the hallway who is supposed to turn around and give you a smile which will light up your day is just a pathetic lie someone invented because she couldn´t stand to be alone. I am used to loneliness. People has been avoiding me for years without me caring. But this time it´s different. This time I can feel the energy of the lost souls trying to tell me it´s my fault. Still I know that the pain and guilt won´t disappear, not until I have made sure every single one of them are dead.
I walked alone. The wind was messing with my hair and my clothes, but I couldn´t bring myself to care. I closed my arms around my body to prevent myself from freezing as I lowered my head toward the snow covered ground. On the outside I looked like a girl trying to make my way home in this winter wonderland, but on the inside my own dark creatures slowly tore me apart. I could feel death breathing around me, as if it just waited for me to join it and to be doomed to forever walk in an endless darkness. That was a scenario I would not let come true, no matter what.
There was blood on my hands. When the dark creatures who lived inside me craved for something, I had no other choice than to obey. All the bodies that I´d made sure would never take another breath were buried and forgotten. Well, not completely forgotten. Sometimes the memories still woke me up in the middle of the night. The eight pair of eyes which belonged to the eight persons I´d killed stared nakedly at me with accuse and sorrow, as if all they ever wanted was for me to die in the same painful way as all of them. It made me wonder why the creatures had chosen me. There were so many others which they could´ve picked to make people suffer but they had to choose me. I didn´t want to be a murderer. When I grew up I was the popular kid who the cute boy smiled at. I was the girl with the best friend with whom I could talk about anything. Now my only friends are my knife and my rope.
As I paced down the road a sudden noise made me turn around, slowly. About three meters in front of me stood a young man. His hair was dark blond and slightly tousled and a black down jacket covered his torso. He took one step closer to me with one of his hands outstretched as if he was going to grab my jacket. I looked at him with surprise. It had been seven years since anybody had been trying to get close to me. Seven years of pure loneliness and I couldn´t say I´d enjoyed it. It felt as if I was completely alone in a universe which would rather see me dead than free to be able to decide over my own actions. As a result of their hatred I now wander deaths pathways in total solitude. The young man moved one step closer and I could feel the tension in the air. My eyes followed the mans movements as he got closer and closer and suddenly his hand was just in front of my face. Without noticing I had stopped breathing. I swallowed hard as he reached out and touched my chin. His eyes widened as he quickly pulled it back, as if i´d burnt him. He took several steps backwards but I still couldn´t force myself to move.
“What are you?”
The words leaves his lips as a silent whisper. I open my mouth to answer but the words are stuck in my throat. He looks at me with something that equals fascination in his dark eyes. The color makes me wonder about the creatures. Shouldn´t they force me to kill him? What is it about this man that is different from what I´ve seen before?
“Let´s try this again.” The man says, louder now. “I´m Jace, who are you?”
I look into his honest eyes for just a second before I decide that I can´t afford to trust him. This intoxicating feeling in my stomach can´t mean anything but problems. In which case, my name is something I can tell him.
“Lily”
I say, my voice so low that my answer almost goes unnoticeable. My voice is a lot darker than I remember, there hasn´t been any reason for me to talk through the years so I haven´t heard my own voice in years. The man reaches out to touch me again, only this time I won´t let him. His hand lowers and I look at it as if it´s poisoned. A low chuckle leaves his lips and it feels warm as melted chocolate, but I still won´t let down my walls that has rescued me so many times before.
“Well Lily, it has been a pleasure meeting you.” Jace said as he stretched out his hand to me. I take it and give a little nod. “I hope you have a warm place to stay tonight.” He continues. “Looks like a storm is on its way.”
I turn my head up to the increasingly darkening sky and I assume he´s right. I prevent myself from letting out a sigh of resignation while I state that I will catch a horrible cold before the sun rises tomorrow morning. When I lower my gaze again I see that he´s staring at me, those dark eyes quite wondering.
“You don´t have a place to stay, do you?”
I hesitate for just a second, I don´t know if I should tell him about my situation. That I don´t have a home anymore. That when my parents figured out that there was something wrong with me they left me without thinking twice about it. He must´ve seen the answer in my eyes because before I could stop him he´d taken hold of my hand, his thumb slowly striking my palm.
“You could stay with me...”
His words sounded hesitatingly, as if he didn´t really know if it was a good suggestion. But I knew. I took one step back, and then another one. I couldn´t tell if he felt relieved or rejected by me turning away from him, but I knew I had to get away from him, quickly. As I started to run I heard his voice echoing in my head. You could stay with me. That kind of kindness hadn´t been offered to me for seven long years. I shook my head as I ran. That kind of kindness always had some sort of hidden motive.
I started to slow down as it felt as if my legs would collapse. It was too cold, and my clothes were too heavy. My pulse was slowing down and my eyelids suddenly felt terminally heavy. The cold snow crunched under my weight as I sank down on my knees. I was so tired. Maybe if I could only take a nap for a few minutes. I laid down and closed my eyes. Only a few seconds later I fell asleep.
I woke up because of something wet pressing against my forehead, and suddenly I was wide awake. I sat up, causing the person bending over me to move with an irritated growl. I curled up into a ball against the wall before I gazed around my surrounding. The room was colored in moss-green and brown and it had no windows. The only light came from a lamp which stood on the left side of the door. The light it gave wasn´t much but it was just enough for me to see the person who stared at me with curiosity. It was him again, the Jace guy. Had he been following me? Scared of what this man may do to me I pressed my back against the cold wall. He reached out his hand in a calming way and a nervous smile took place on his lips.
“How do you feel?”
I stay quiet instead of answering his question and he looks at me with an understanding expression covering his face.
“I brought you some food” He continues, putting the tray with food on the bed beside me. “Don´t eat all of it immediately.”
He smiled at me before he turned and walked out of the room, the door closing with a low whisper. It took several minutes for me to even try to move but as soon as I did I felt my stomach craving for food. I took a careful glance at the food before I decided that I could at least taste some of it. I grabbed a red fruit that I remembered as an apple and took one, careful bite. The sweetness of the perfectly ripe apple was overwhelming as all I´d eaten for the past few years was anything that could be found on the ground. A sudden knock on the door made me freeze with the apple halfway to my mouth. The door opened and Jace came in. He stopped two steps into the room and smiled at me.
“That´s an apple, taste´s rather good doesn´t it?”
I don´t care about telling him I already know that it´s an apple, instead I just nod. An awkward silence follows and I´m ready to scream out in frustration when he finally speaks again.
“I am going for a walk and I was just wondering if you may want to come with?”
I say nothing for a long while as I study him carefully. It doesn´t seem like he´s tricking me, in fact, he feels rather reliable. Maybe I should follow him, just to see if I´m right? If he wanted to hurt me he could have just done it while I was unconscious, yet he didn´t, does that mean I can trust him? I don´t know the answer to that question but what I know is that I feel a sudden urge to find out. That´s why I´m slowly putting the tray aside as I rise to my feet. I can feel his eyes following every single one of my movements but I don´t do anything to show him how insecure I really am about this. I look up at him, meeting his hazel-colored eyes. He nods, as if he´s telling me he understands by my look that I don´t really trust him. Somehow I feel a little bit less uneasy with him after that nod. He reaches out his hand to me and gestures me to start walking.
“Shall we?”
I don´t answer him but I do start walking towards the door. When I pass him in the doorframe I look up at him and our eyes meet for just a second before I pull my gaze away from him. What is it about this man that makes me feel as if I can trust him when I, many years ago, realized that the only one I can trust is myself?
It´s cold outside. I can feel my eyelashes burdened down by small icicles and I can see my breath as a white cloud in front of my mouth when I´m letting out air between my teeth. It´s snowing again and the snowflakes fall silently from the sky, making themselves comfortable as they reunion with the increasingly whitened ground. Jace is walking beside me, going on about how much he loves winter and snow and I´m just kind of existing, not speaking a word. Instead I´m focusing on my steps, watching the snow getting trampled down under my feet. His voice is so enthusiastic when he talks about what he loves that I can´t keep myself from smiling. He looks down at me and smiles wider and I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks.
“Isn´t it perfect?”
I´m assuming that he is talking about the nature but when I meet his eyes he is looking straight at me. If it´s possible, my face turns a lot more red when he doesn´t look away. Even if I wanted to, my eyes are locked to his so that I can´t break the eye contact.
“You´re perfect.”
He mumbles with that cute childish smile on his lips. I bite my lip to prevent myself from smiling. His words does more to me than all the insults ever did. Somehow it feels as if this may be a new beginning, I may be able to let someone in again after all these years. My hand disappears in his, only this time I welcome the warmth of his hand against mine instead of shrugging. Maybe this is the start of something new. Maybe I have finally found with whom I belong.
Perfect does exist. The times when you find your day brightening up because that one special man who is doing anything he can to make you happy is smiling at you and you feel as if you´re having a meltdown. I do no longer have to be alone, because I have found that man. The pain and guilt is slowly disappearing and my heart grows bigger every time I see him. I have come to realize that I don´t have to be alone anymore, I can spend my life with Jace instead. He´s the only one who´s ever liked me for who I am. The only one who wasn´t determined that I´m some evil monster. The only one who has captured my heart. The only one for me.
Hej alla;)
Jag vet att det finns fel i denna novellen jag skiftade mellan då och nutid, fel grammatik and so on. Till mitt försvar är detta min första novell på engelska.
Bortsett från detta så hoppas jag att du gillade novellen och kolla gärna in något av det andra jag skrivit :)
Tack för att du/ni läste och kommentera gärna :)
Ha det bra/ Azeez <3
|
| Kommentarer | | Aprikos - 11 jan 14 - 12:13 | Jag gillade den verkligen!Skulle förmodligen aldrig klara av att skrivan novell på engelska
Och jag förstod hela texten,tycker det var grymt jobbat i sånna fall om det var din första novell du skrivit
På engelska!:) |
|
|
|
