You know that weird thing called love, part 2 |
I felt the sun shining through the window like a thick and warm blanket over my body and I opened my eyes. The dust glimmered in the air when the sun lit it up – it was amazingly beautiful. I looked around me and recognized my duvet lay on the floor.
I got out of my bed and walked to the open window in my underwear.
I tried to remember why I had left it open but I couldn’t find the memory. I took a look at the clothes lying in a bunch on the floor and considered them wearable. Something poked in my head – something I had to remember today – but I couldn’t find out what.
I shook my head and walked to the kitchen – still not remembering what I knew was important.
I drank some juice and ate an apple. Then I took my bag and my keys with me and headed to work.
I worked at a telephone-service – one of these when you listen to people’s problems. Sometimes people didn’t even have problems - just felt lonely and rang in to talk about their day.
It was when I tried to soothe a fifteen year old girl which had a dad in prison something clicked in my head. The woman! I was going to visit the woman in prison today!
I felt the relief when I’d finally found out what’d poked in my head all day, but soon I started to get nervous. Why did she want to meet me? I couldn’t come up with any realistic answer.
I walked through the day with a fog round my mind till it was time to go. Then finally my mind cleared up and I checked out with nervously shaking hands. While I sat in my car I tried to find out something to say to her. When I parked my car I still hadn’t come up with anything yet so I hoped she had something she wanted to talk about.
It felt weird being here on a special visiting hour – I was used to come here when dad had dinner – the visit hour of his didn’t fit my schedule. The visiting hours were always a lonely meeting, or, how lonely it can be with a guard looking at you all the time, but it wasn’t like my meetings with dad where everyone could see and hear. But many people chose the dining hours like me – it is almost as good as the visiting hours and you could come which day you wanted.
So yes, it felt weird sitting in that different room all alone expect the guard which stared totally unashamed at me. Then I heard a furious, but still beautiful voice, which made my hair stand straight up, in the corridor outside. A few seconds later the woman came in with a guard holding her around her waist. She looked at him with such a murderous glance I thought “if a glance could kill…Yeah… He would be dead a few times over.”.
“Hi” Her face burst open in a breathtaking smile. She glowed.
“Hello” I said quiet and blushed. Why did she like to see me so much? She didn’t even know me.
“You haven’t said your name yet” I said.
“Samantha, but call me Sam”
“Oh, nice name.” An embarrassing moment flew by. “My first girlfriend was called Sam too”
She looked like she had a hard time holding in a big laugh.
“I wasn’t sure you would come” she said and giggled.
“I said that I would come.” I said slow - wondering why she giggled so much.
“And you did”
“I always do what I say I’m going to do.”
“Good for you, I don’t” She paused. “Guess that’s why I’m here”
“Maybe” I thought a little. “What did you do?”
“I killed a few guys. They were very nasty.” She said and wrinkled her nose a bit.
I was a bit chocked at the way she was telling it. Like it was no problem – just a little crime – nothing big.
“A-a few?” I asked when the chock was over.
“Yeah, about… Hm, I think it was a gang of 6? And after that... Maybe 5 more…”
“A gang?”
“Yes”
“And you took all 6 by yourself?”
“Yeah… they were pretty… distracted.”
“Oh...” I couldn’t say more.
“What?”
“Nothing. The others then?”
“Do you want me to tell the stories instead?”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but I wondered what else we could do for an hour.
“Why not. We’ve got an hour.”
“You can’t come next week?”
I froze and didn’t know what to answer. I didn’t know if I wanted to meet this woman again.
“Maybe.”
“Okay” She said and seemed to lose her mood a little.
“What happened with these guys then?”
“The first guy was named Bill. I was 17 years old and he was forty six. He had wife and kids, and he was a real idiot. He was my teacher in primary school.” I recognized the name and the profession, but I couldn’t find out why. “As you understand we met, actually in the supermarket, and he recognized me. We started to meet each other – I needed some help with school.” She laughed. “As if I can use that now.” She paused and looked into my eyes.
“Go on” I said, curious about the continuation, still a bit irritated because I couldn’t find out why I recognized the name Bill.
“After a while, he didn’t want to… help me with school anymore.” She paused again. “At least not if he didn’t get what he wanted. “
I couldn’t breathe; I was in chock – for god’s sake! He was twenty nine years older than her!
“I couldn’t cope school and job at the same time. And I had to job to get money to my apartment. Then he offered me an apartment and help with school-things if… if he…” She started to cry.
I walked to the other side of the table and gave her a big hug. She cried till my shoulder went all wet.
“I didn’t have much choice…” A sniffle ripped through her body. “And after one year I couldn’t cope having… s…se…” She couldn’t say the word. “With him. So I asked him if I got something if he died… He dedicated the apartment to me if i... if I promised to not tell his wife and kids, and if I promised to be his… the rest of his life” She started to shake dangerously much and I tried to soothe her.
“So I killed him.” It was quiet in the room. Really quiet. You could only hear her sniffles.
“You’re the first one I’ve told that to.” She said when her sniffles stopped.
“What?”
“That he… That he forced me to these things.”
“But you can get a few less years if you tell them”
“First thing. I promised him his family would never know. Second thing. Why would they listen? I could have imagined this for the three years I’ve been here.“
I thought about that and considered she was right.
“You don’t owe him a thing. But you’re right about that second part.”
“Yeah, I know.”
It was quiet in the room, it was one of these silences when speaking would destroy the moment. I looked into her eyes, and I felt a little tickle down my stomach. They were perfectly blue – not a stain of any other color – and they seemed to glow, like the sky by northern lights. It felt like I knew them – as if I had seen them before.
She seemed to search for something when she looked back into mine – and I could see her frustration form when she didn’t find it. I could imagine what she was searching for: Fear, disgust or disbelief. And when she didn’t find it – she was confused, and I could already tell she didn’t like to be.
I felt a sting of fear of how much I knew her already – just by observing her.
“I’m used to criminals. I don’t… react the way other people does.”
She looked surprised.
“Or... How the most people react.”
“I wasn’t thinking about that.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“It’s fine.”
The electricity between us sparkled. I found myself leaning against her face. The distance between our lips erased in a wonderful kiss. Her lips tasted sweet and warm and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach again. I stopped to look into her eyes, still wondering why it felt like I was knowing her. We kissed again. The room was spinning, round and round, and I got dizzy. I forgot I was in a prison, with guards looking at us, I was just conscious about the woman I kissed and the love flooding between us.
“What do you like to do?” I stopped kissing her and looked at her surprised face.
“Where came that from?” she asked and laughed.
“I just wonder”
“Okay… Hm.. I like… I like to have control. I think. And I like being with you, I like kissing you. But that doesn’t fit together, ’cause it feels like I have no control of the situation right now. You then?”
“I like to help people. And I actually like being with you too, I like kissing you. And I actually don’t know who has got the control, because I don’t.”
“Can you come tomorrow then?”
“Yes, but then I have to meet dad too. When do you have lunch?”
“Twelve O’clock”
“That’s perfect, dad’s by half past eleven at Thursdays.”
I took a look at the clock on the wall. It was time to go.
“See you tomorrow.” I kissed her lightly.
“Yeah, see ya”
Del 2 då. Kommer en del till, och kom ihåg att stjärna menas med "nytt avsnitt", för det kommer förekomma i nästa del.
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