The story about the Contracts (översättning) |
Det här är en översättning av "Sagan om Kontrakten". Jag har översatt och lämnat in i engelskan, det blev ett mvg. :) (Glöm diverse småfel)
Once upone a time, there was an old and poor, but still quite spry man. He had been in Stockholm for some years, but now he was almost home again. (He was just about to go ten steps to the little cottage and open the little door.) If his family saw that he was back, they would rush out and meet him. First the daughter and his son, then their mum and the cat. He had imagined it so many times.
The man took the ten steps, and slowly rose his hand to open the door. The children rushed against him, with their mum and the cat behind. Everything was the same.
Later that night everything was just as usual, for once. The atmosphere was peaceful, certainly the kitchen was repapered, but the atmosphere was still good. The coffee smelled burnt. The cosy kitchen was full. Everybody sat on their usual places, even the cat. The family was gathered, for the first time in many years. The-Man who had settled down on his usual chair started to relate his time in Stock-holm.
There was a new ruler in Stockholm. Her name was Maud Olofsson, and she wasn’t at all as nice as the former ruler had been. Last week the Stockh*olm inhabitants had demonstrated that they wanted the old ruler back, and the result was candy-tax, and that ended The-Man’s story.
Then his Son hissed.
-You can’t do so, just like that! Son said, his voice filled with anger. Candy that tastes so good! I will be a politician when I grow up*, and then I’ll tickle Maud Olofsson ’til she pleads for mercy!
The-Man smiled at Son.
-Yeah, do that. But if you want to, you can come with me to Stockholm already tomorrow.
-Tomorrow, so soon? The-Man’s wife asked.
-Yes, The-Man said. But I’ll soon come back again. It’ll be tough, cause the motorway is broken. Göran Persson had an accident on the motorway, förstår du. Suddenly his car broke down, so he had to step out of the car and fix it. He dropped his adjustable spanner in a crack, and just as he was about to take it, his hand got stuck. And because of that we’ll have to get through shoal oceans, low mountains, high valleys and a small forest. And the last distance we’re going by train. But don’t be in doubt, my Son, cause together we’ll make it!
-Yes! Son agreed. And when we arrive I’ll tickle Maud Olofsson till she pleads for mercy!
-Sure. it’ll be fun. To bed now, kid, so you’re alert tomorrow.
-Yes of course, The-Man, Son said.
-Sleep, The-Man ordered.
The-Man was about 50 years old, and almost 2 m high. He had the bad habit of grabbing all pens he saw. He improved his ability to locate pens, and one day his eyes developed into a penXray! It was just that bad habit he unconsiusly would use to make Maud Olofsson harmless before signing a contract. No more candy will be made! The-Man and Son would try to prevent it.
The-Man had mixed feelings for the mission. Of course it would be fun to tickle Maud Olofsson until she pled for mercy, but would they even come that far? What if they failed? The-Man didn’t have the energy to think about it. He sighed, yawned, blew his nose and went to bed.
The ”tripday” didn’t start very good. The-Man and Son both overslept, and didn’t wake up before
ten o’clock. At last they got off. After two hours they reached a way. It was closed, and in front of the
red-white striped bands was a man who screamed detours.
He was bold, and had a red-white striped tie.
-Thatway, thatway and thatway! he screamed, pointing out paths in a strange, wild way.
-What a funny tie he’s got, Son whispered. It looks like a peppermint rock! And it matches the bands
aswell.
The-Man and Son went to the man of a fun tie.
-So, what do you, thatway, want, dear friends?
-We would…
-Thatway! the tie-man screamed again, and pointed out a path for some tourists who were wearing blue hats.
-Yes, we would like to go to Stockholm, but we don’t know which…
-Yes, E125 is closed. Thatway! Yeeeah, Stockholm, yeah… It’s thatway! (He pointed at another path.) Yes, I’m going to Stockholm too, actually. Just waiting for the next shift man, then I can come with you. It’s horrible indeed this thing about Göran Persson… (The tie-man pointed at a man on the motorway.)
-Is that Göran Persson? Son asked, while The-Man stole three pens from the tie-man.
-Yes, the tie-man said. Oh, there he comes, my colleague worker. Let’s go, he is coming! My name’s Reinfeldt, by the way. Fredrik Reinfeldt.
The little company went on, following Reinfeldts friendly ”thatway”, and after a short while they reached a sea. It looked really deep, but the handy Son made a boat. It was a handsome ship.
Everybody entered the boat and began eating the dinner which Son had made at the same time as the boat, when they drifted away. *POFF!* The boat ran aground, and the water was rising.
-We gotta jump! The-Man screamed.
-Lifejackets first! Son shouted, waving with two orange lifejackets.
When the lifejackets were on, the little group jumped into the water. It came up to their knees. Disappointed they walked through the sea, following Reinfeldts sweet ”thatway”.
After a while they reached a small mountainrange, which was about two metres. Son did not look impressed.
-Are these ”the low mountains” you were talking about? he wondered boredly.
-Yeah, The-Man said. I guess so.
-Thatway, Reinfeldt grinned, pointing at the foot of the first little mountain.
-Why can’t we just walk around them? Son wondered.
-’Cause then it won’t be a very thrilling story.
-Is it so much more thrilling going over them then?
-How clever you are! Reinfeldt outbursted. I would never have thought of that myself. Really smart, go over it…
The-Man smiled, proud over his Son.
-Let’s go, Reinfeldt said, and pointed. Thatway.
Together the little party went over the snowcovered hills. Certainly The-Man and Son stumbled sometimes, but the thought of tickling Maud Olofsson until she pled for mercy made them stay in good spirits.
The next obstacle was just like The-Man had told Son – a high valley.
-Well, this was a bit difficult. Quite a ticklish situation, The-Man said doubtfully, and overlooked the regular and smooth ground. (In fact it’s pretty easy just to walk over it, but The-Man’s thoughts were a little affected. The content of crawberryjam was low.)
But Reinfeldt was still quite OK, and knew what to do.
-We go straight over, thatway! he said friendly.
Son glared at him.
-Nooooou, we go straight over!
Son pushed out his lower lip and went, straight over, the high valley. The-Man and Reinfeldt followed him with a shrug.
They camped under a dead giant rat. As they sat around the campoven, telling stories and bad jokes, Reinfeldt told them that he wanted to become a premier. The-Man and Son found it very ridiculous.
-It’s not even a real word! The-Man and Son discussed. Neither prem nor ier exist!
-But he can’t be worse than Maud Olofsson! Son objected. He’ll might make a good former ruler, or ”prem-ier”.
-Are you kidding? The-Man shouted. He’s just an ordinary ”thatway-screamer”! Maud Olofsson’s at least educated!
-Yes, and look at her. Furthermore might there’s an education for ”thatway-screamers” too.
-That first thing was really smart, Son. You’re lucky to have me.
Reinfeldt appeared.
-Go to bed now, it’s late. Thatway. (Reinfeldt pointed at the rat.) Good night!
Reinfeldt, The-Man and Son went to bed. The next morning they woke up by Reinfeldts radio.
”Twelve o’clock, this is the Echo.”
-This is good, Reinfeldt said. Steaming fresh news! All the time! News from thatway and thatway and thatway! (Reinfeldt waved his arms so his tie fluttered.) Shh, shut up! Son, turn up the radio please.
Son bent closer the radio, who sat on a stone, and turned up the volume. The Echo girl kept talking.
”Today Maud Olofsson decided that all TV will be about chewinggums.”
-Horrible, The-Man and Son whispered to each other.
After those ”horrible” news they ate their breakfast, which consisted of cranberryjam and dried figs with whipped cream, and then continued their journey. Reinfeldt’s road advice was to go ”thatway”, and then through a forest. Reinfeldt really was a good guide. Perhaps he was commuting here often?
When they were halfway ”thatway”, Son saw something lying on the ground. It was glittering. It could have been something that Reinfeldt had dropped as he was the one who went first, but Son picked it up without saying anything. The thing was a key. On the front side it said ”ASSA” with big letters, and on the opposite front side it said ”To the Riksdag”. After all Son did not like Reinfeldt, but keys were OK, so he kept it.
When they reached the forest Reinfeldt saw nothing, beacuse this something was gone.
-My key! he screamed. Where is my key! Have you guys seen my key??
The-Man and Son looked at each other and shoke their heads.
-I need my key! I will leave you now, gotta find my key!
The-Man and Son looked at each other again.
-Go thatway, into the forest, Reinfeldt screamed, as he ran around, panicked. I’ll go thatway! Ciao!
The-Man and Son looked at each other a third time, and shrugged. The only things left were some red threads and… a letter?
Son picked it up.
-But Son, we should not read it! It’s mean reading other’s post! Don’t you see, it says zoo, no, to Reinfeldt!
Son took a piece of the peppermint rock band that he brought earlier, held his nose and said:
-Hi, I’m Reinfeldt! Did I get a letter?
The-Man giggled.
-Good, it feels much better now. What does the letter say?
-”Hello in the cranberryforest, Reinf…” Son started. How did the sender know that?
The-Man and Son looked around and saw that the forest was full of cranberryjam.
Son glanced through the letter.
-It’s from Mud, no, Maud Olofsson, to me. Fredrik Reinfeldt.
-And…? The-Man tensly wondered.
-She want’s me to coma, no, come to the Riksdag in Stockholm. There she will sin, no, sign a contraption, no, a contract. Ugh, she spels lyk a reyk, that Mud!
-Wait, The-Man said, a contract… Oh yeah, they talked about that on the Echo. Maud Olofsson will make all TV be about chewinggums!
-Nooou, Son said. How can she just think of deleting for instance Rapport and stuff like that!
-And Bolibompa, The-Man sighed.
-We have to stop her, Son said, and ended the conversation.
They went through the rest of the forest, that turned out being quite small. What a surprise. On the other side there was a train.
-From here to Stockholm, free for today! a man shouted.
The-Man and Son entered the train. On two other seats sat two girls, and a little further behind sat a munk. They were the only ones in the compartment.
After about a quarter the munk went to the girls.
-You’re Carla and Evelina, right? And you are going to Arlanda, right?
The girls looked at him with a very weird look.
-No, really, no! We are Clara and anilevE, the princess and the cop, and going to the Riksdag to kill Maud Olofsson’s snail!
-Has Maud Olofsson got a snail? I didn’t know that. Hmm, whatever, bye!
The munk went to The-Man and Son.
-You’re The-Man and Son, right? he said. And you’re going to the Riksdag in Stockholm, right?
-Yeah, how could you know?
The munk shrugged.
-I just guessed.
He returned to his own seat and got seated, with a very pleased look. Son found it all very uncomfortable.
After a little while they arrived in Stockholm. Finding the Riksdag was a piece of cake. In front of the big oak door Son put the red-white ”tie” and a clothes peg on his nose. Then he took the key, but… it was gone!
-The key is gone! Son said. It must be the munk, he’s a pick pocket, I’m sure!!
-He didn’t have a pocket, did he? The-Man said slowly.
-I’ll use Maud Olofsson’s secret knock-password! Son interrupted, and
Oh dear! A crazy badger just ate the last page! Don’t worry, it all ended happy.
The end!
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