Without you everything falls apart [Eng. Novell] |
(Shane)
“What’s on your mind?” My girlfriend met my eyes and she shrugged her shoulders. “Hey”, I said carefully and she sighed. “I know that something’s troubling you, just tell me what?” She didn’t answer this time either; she just looked at me with eyes full of sorrow and fear. I bit my lip and she looked away. What was she hiding from me?
(Yulia)
I knew that Shane could help me if she knew, but I didn’t want her to know, didn’t want her to be worried, or sad. My secret that I was hiding for her was that my father had found me a boyfriend and was, in this very moment planning our wedding. I reached after my veil and put it on my head and wondered what my parents would say if they knew that I didn’t have it on me all the time, like I should. And what they would say if I told them that my friend, that friend that they didn’t want me to have, really was my girlfriend? I gently touched Shane’s face and she took my hand. She looked worried and I tried to find words, tried to say at least something?
(Shane)
“Yulia, please tell me what’s wrong?” I tried to hide my fear with stroking my fingers trough my hair, but I didn’t work. I felt how my body started shaking and Shane had just opened her mouth when her cell phone rang.
“Sorry” she whispered and let go of my hand and answered. I guess it was her father that wanted her home for dinner, even if Yulia always was welcome to eat here, so I lay down on my bed and sighed. When she had hung up she laid down beside me.
“What’s…? What’s happening with us?” My voice cracked.
(Yulia)
I felt how she really needed the truth. Her voice was so low that I hardly heard what she said. All thoughts ran through my head at the same time and I tried to catch them, but I wasn’t fast enough.
“I mean” Shane nearly whispered. “I... I just want to know if you still love me.” I bit my lip when I saw how the tears started to flow down her face and laid my arms around her neck. I had still not answered her question, but what should I answer? I wasn’t certain of my feelings for her any more. I didn’t know if my parents were the reason to it, because they were always talking about “homosexuality” like it was the most dangerous disease on the earth, 1000 times worse than AIDS. I really didn’t know. I just know that I had fallen in love with Shane so fast that I almost had forgotten to breathe. But now, I was lost. Lost in her Cristal blue eyes like I had been the first time we had met, and lost in this fucking labyrinth called ‘life’.
(Shane)
I just wanted her to answer, at least to say something! Anything! I just wanted to hear her voice, wanted her attention, but she looked absent. I took her hand and leaned forward to kiss her lips, but she pushed me away, and I felt how my heart had been broken, in that very second. I let go of her hand and bit my lip.
“Just go” I said, a bit sad and she got up from my bed, reached after her bag and left my room, without even a word. I buried my head in the pillow she had bought me on our one year anniversary and started to cry. What was happening with us, really?
“What the fuck is going on?” I whispered to myself and tried to catch my breath.
(Yulia)
I left her room and house as fast as I could. I heard her mother’s voice after me, the gentle voice that was asking what was wrong when she had seen my tears, but I had just closed the door behind me, ignoring her kindness. I was really a pig, and like Trent sings, Pigs get what pigs deserve. And I was sure that I was going to get just what I, Yulia the pig, deserved.
A part of me wanted to ran back to Shane and hug her, to kiss her and tell her what was really going on. That part of me wanted to take her hand and run away, but I chose to not listen to that side, I listened to the other one. I listened to the “right” side of me, the Muslim girl that thought homosexuality was wrong. I was wrong, I was a… Fuck! I didn’t even find words to describe my own stupidity.
When I came home my father met me with angry eyes.
“Where have you been?” He asked and I hesitated. What should I answer? “Don’t say you have been with that friend again?” I heard how his voice was filled with disappointment and I looked down on the floor. “Yulia, answer me!”
“I’m sorry dad” I almost whispered and I felt how hard his hand struck my face this time.
“Go up on your room!”
(Shane)
I tossed and turned, tried to breathe, tried to survive, but I was so broken, my whole heart laid on my floor in pieces and didn’t have the strength to pick them up.
“Without you, it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces” I whispered to myself and whished that Yulia, somehow, would hear me.
(Yulia)
I sat down on my bed with my cell phone in my hand. Should I call her? Should I tell her what was wrong? I know that she deserved the truth but did I have the courage to tell her? Did I really? I bit my lip and decided to text her instead, and I felt how the angst bubbled inside of me. Then a new question popped up in my head. What the hell should I write?
(Shane)
I reached after my cell phone, after minutes of tossing options back and forth in my loneliness, and felt how much I needed answers, answers to why it was like this between us, answers to why we didn’t tell each other secrets anymore and answers to why our love seemed to have disappeared?
“Without you, everything just falls apart” I sent her, with a sign. I wasn’t even sure she would answer.
(Yulia)
In the same second that I had decided to start writing my cell’s screen showed “One new message received from Shane<3. Read now?” I swallowed hard as I opened it.
“Without you, everything just falls apart,”
I clicked on answer with shacking fingertips.
“I love you Shane, but I’m sorry, I have to break up with you. I hope you some day would understand.”
(Shane)
“Yulia? Yulia, hey, wake up!” I pushed on Yulia who opened her eyes immediately.
“Shane!” She almost screamed and I met her scared eyes. “Shane, you’re really here!” I raised my eyebrows and kissed her mouth.
“Yes Yules, I’m here, I’m always going to be here” She lay down by me and I put my arm around her neck. “Yulia?” I said after a while. “What’s on your mind?”
“Thank god! It was only a dream!” she said out of the blue.
“What? What was a dream? I’m feeling confused” Yulia laughed at me and kissed my lips.
“Never mind Shane, the most important thing is that it was a dream and that you are here now. And one more thing”
“What?” I said, and she met my eyes.
“I love you”
“I love you too” I answered and our lips met once again.
I didn’t know what her dream have been about, but I was sure that this moment was a dream come true.
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| Kommentarer - (Snittbetyg: 5) | | TrasigFlikka - 28 feb 08 - 19:17 | Prickigthallon,
denna har inget med någon annan novell och göra,
är bara lite svag för namnet "shane" xD | | prickigthallon - 28 feb 08 - 18:53 | Läste inte hela :$
Men asså, har du skrivit den andra på engelska med, eller använder du bara Shane två gånger? | | BlackDream - 26 feb 08 - 11:23 | Jättebra! (Diggar din engelska XD)
Skriv gärna fler | Gackt_angel - 24 feb 08 - 00:20- Betyg:  | | ^^, skitbra jossa, din engelska e så oshiet *w* man kan inte få önska sig en novelle mellan två killar ? xD ^^ |
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