Notes for your mental health |
Iruka sat in his apartment, correcting tests in the almost completely dark room, except for the lamp on the table. His head rested on his hand and with a face looking bored as fuck he put away the pen. It was far past midnight, he guessed, and it was still a lot left to do. His students expected to get their tests and essays back, Iruka sighed when hit by the thought that he hadn’t even looked through a third of it, on Monday, which should be… Iruka watched the clock standing on the table, ticking. It was Monday already. Damn.
He tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. If he finished it quickly, he might have time to sleep an hour or two at least. Iruka sighed again. Why hadn’t he got this done earlier?
Oh right. Kakashi stepped by. He’d been gone on a lot of long-time missions lately, so they barely saw each other.
At most they had two days, which they had spent in bed. Yes, some pleasant things had been going on, but mostly they had just been lying there, close to each other, silently listening to each other’s breaths, enjoying the company. Kakashi slept a lot, tired with good reasons, and Iruka had watched him with warmth. He had watched his lovers pale chest rise and fall slowly with each breath and with tender fingertips stroked the wild silver hair, shifting in a thousand colours of grey. Sometimes Kakashi woke up from the touch and smiled gently at his ‘Ruka. He had mumbled a “Yo”, but before Iruka had answered with a whispering “Hello”, the jounin had already fallen back to sleep, dreaming of another world. Iruka liked watching those eyelids move and try to figure out what his lover might be dreaming of.
Sometimes Kakashi could wake Iruka up in the middle of the night, kicking and screaming. Iruka then whisper soft words in Kakashi’s ear, stroking his hair and saying that everything will be all right, that he is safe. After a while Kakashi calm down and goes back to sleeping like a rock, with only his eyelids moving. But after those moments Iruka is left sleepless. Kakashi has never told the chuunin what those terrible nightmares are about, but knowing that Kakashi had been killing since the age of five, Iruka had some pretty good ideas.
Kashi had left in the morning, while Iruka was still asleep, leaving only a note, saying:
“Hi, Ruka-Ru. Leaving for a mission, back in a week.
You’re drooling in your sleep.
Kakashi.”
Iruka put away the pen again after finished correcting the tests. Only the essays left then, he thought. Tired and not feeling like continuing with the work, he decided to get a glass of water and stretch his legs a little.
He went into the kitchen, scratching the scar over his nose. Not that it really did itch, it was just one of those things he did from time to time. He started filling the glass with water and then turned off the tap. He leaned against the kitchen sink and looked through the window on the opposite wall.
The sky was dark with stars shining brightly and the moon looking down on the village with its thin crescent. Iruka wondered if Kakashi was stargazing as well. Probably not, he thought. Kakashi was probably busy with that stupid mission. Not that Iruka was bitter: he knew the duty of a ninja and he also knew that his lover was a good jounin. Hell, a great one, in fact. No need to worry, right? Kashi-kun can take care of himself. But then there was this itching, disturbing thought in the back of Iruka’s mind that just wouldn’t go away. It is common knowledge that ninjas don’t get a long life. Most of them never even turn thirty, and his jounin was going to be 26 soon. For Iruka it felt like their time was running out. Lately Kakashi never really got the chance to recover from the damages of a mission before he was sent out again. Iruka remembered one time especially.
He had been half asleep when he heard the door opened. Kakashi had whispered “I’m home” and Iruka got on his feet in the blink of a eye, just to find his lover falling to the floor, covered in blood and with parts of his uniform ripped into pieces. That had been a nasty mission.
Iruka tried to shake the image out of his head. That was not something he’d like to see again. Though he’d prefer it to hearing that the jounin wouldn’t come home at all. He’d rather die himself than getting to know such a moment.
Iruka put down his empty glass in the sink and tried to calm down. Everything was fine. Kashi-kun would be back in a week and everything would be fine. God, how he hated the word “fine”.
He took another look at the crescent moon and then returned to work. This was going to be a long night.
Hours later he shuffled the papers into a pile again and smiled relieved. Finally done. He’d been effective, he noticed while watching the clock. If he fell asleep right away he’d get to sleep four hours before he had to get up and deal with another day with those little monsters.
Iruka turned off the light and went into his bedroom. He yawned while undressing and then slipped in between the sheets in his quite large bed. The sheets felt pleasantly cold against his warm skin and he smiled. Sleeping was one thing he really appreciated. Iruka closed his eyes, but he just didn’t seem able to actually fall asleep. The bed was too big. When did it get this big? Usually he wished for it to be even bigger, because Kakashi was often practicing taijutsu in his sleep, or just being very close and used Iruka as his very own teddy bear. But now the bed was too big. Empty. Quiet.
Iruka curled into a ball and stared at the other half of the bed. How much wouldn’t he give to see the perverted, disturbed and quite insane jounin lie there with his fuzzy hair and scarred body?
Iruka shut his eyes hard and then opened them again, hoping to see his lover lying beside him. He didn’t, and the discovery almost hurt. Fuck, not even almost. It DID hurt.
Iruka turned so he wouldn’t be able to see that empty half of the bed. But he felt it. After a long time he finally fell asleep, but he slept badly. Haunted by nightmares, he woke up panicked one hour before he had to get up. He knew it was pointless to fall back to sleep and he really didn’t want those images of a dying Kakashi back.
So he got up and dressed himself before leaving the apartment. He needed some fresh air and a walk around the village was a good way to relax.
Most people were still asleep but some of the shopowners was already up, preparing for a new day. They greeted Iruka as he walked past them and watched as the village slowly awakened.
Iruka didn’t walk for long before he returned to his apartment, once again stroked by how empty it seemed.
He went into the kitchen to find breakfast, opened a cupboard and saw those cereal-sugar-things that Kakashi always ate. Iruka smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. How many times hadn’t he told Kakashi no to eat those? At least a hundred. Only sugar, Iruka said. Instead of coffee, Kakashi said.
Iruka poured some in a bowl with milk and sat down by the table. Sweet, but not bad, he thought. But he couldn’t eat. Too much Kakashi. He didn’t even bother put the bowl away. This place tended to be too clean when Kakashi wasn’t there to mess things up. He put on his sandals again and left to the academy.
The days passed by and soon the week dragged itself to its end. Iruka had heard no news about how Kakashi’s mission was going and didn’t dare to hope that the jounin would be home by said time. Kakashi was always late anyway.
It was Sunday again and having no distractions like someone doodling on his important papers, someone poking him when he tried to work, someone kissing him on the neck… He had already finished off his work. But it was past midnight and Iruka couldn’t sleep anyway. That itching thought again. Damn. He sighed and curled into a ball on the couch, closed his eyes and felt the sleep coming to him.
Steps. Almost soundless.
A key turning in the lock, and a door being opened and closed. The steps got closer to the figure on the couch, who seemed to sleep quite deep.
“I’m home,” a cracked voice whispered.
It was almost not audible, but the sleeping man woke up instantly. He got up on his feet and stared on the other man standing in front of him.
“Kakashi…”
Kakashi made his usual wave with his hand and said casually:
“Yo.”
The silverhaired jounin let himself be knocked to the floor by Iruka, who was hugging Kakashi tight. Iruka pulled down the jounin’s mask and kissed him deeply.
“Don’t you dare leave me like that again.”
Kakashi smiled and gently stroked some loose hair away from Iruka’s face.
“I left you a note,” he answered.
Iruka glared, eyes saying ‘Yeah right, that excuses it all’.
Kakashi chuckled by his lover’s glares and kissed him softly.
“I’m here now, right?”
He kissed him again, asking. Iruka returned the kiss, demanding for something more.
“But you’re late,” he said, still accusing.
“I’ll make up for it, Ruka-Ru. Don’t you worry ‘bout that.”
The next morning Iruka woke up, once again alone in a bed that was too big and an apartment that was too quiet. On his bedside table a note had been left.
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| Kommentarer - (Snittbetyg: 5) | | BlackSnowflake - 15 jan 08 - 12:21 | | Arrgh! Du skriver så jävla bra! Älskar att det är på engelska :P När jag läser namnet Kakashi så börjar jag bara tänka på Naruto ^^ boylove xD | prickigthallon - 21 maj 07 - 05:19- Betyg:  | Jättebra, jag älskar att du skriver på engelska..! :D
Gr8! ^^ | | Shelthea - 21 maj 07 - 05:01 | | Bra! |
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